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Staying Safe
Obviously,
everything we do together has to be safe and sane – and most important,
consensual. In fact, if you ever come across a dom who doesn’t follow
similar rules, RUN!
Safe and Slow Words
This is a
consensual relationship, but your safety is paramount. You need a clear and simple means
of bringing play to a halt or slowing it down if it goes too far or too fast
for you.
Your Safe
word is your consent to me. By speaking your Safe word, you withdraw consent
and require an instant all-stop. Use it if you are in physical trouble or just
can’t or don’t want to go on.
The Slow word tells me to re-evaluate what we’re doing and possibly ask questions
to see what needs to be adjusted.
Obviously,
words like “stop” or “no” might come up in the course of play, so we use
alternative words. Your Safe word can be Symphony, or Goldfish. Your Slow word is Turtle.
Carefully memorize these words! If you are gagged or otherwise unable to speak
I might give you small two rubber balls to hold. Drop one for Slow, both for Safe - OR, just do anything in groups of three - grunt, stomp, slap - anything that will get my attention.
Hard Limits
There
are likely some things you just absolutely don’t want to do. For some it’s a
certain level of pain, or anal sex, etc, whatever is beyond your comfort level.
You need to communicate those to me very clearly. I will respect them.
Try not
to make your limits too specific. Keep them general, like “only mild pain” to
allow us more flexibility in play. Some things do need to be specific, like “no breath control” or “no ball torture.”
I have
some hard limits of my own. I won’t do scat, blood, permanent
injury, anything that puts health, life or limb at risk, or is illegal.
Soft Limits
There may be things you would like to try but are uneasy
with, or personal limits you want me to push. Generally I take things a bit
more slowly and carefully if we’re dealing with a soft limit. If you want a soft limit pushed, tell me.
Knowing the Scene in
Advance
Some beginner subs want to know every detail of what's going to
happen before we start. I consider this to be a real mood killer. The
tension and fear of not knowing what’s going to happen is a large part of what
makes BDSM so interesting! If you insist, I’ll give you a general idea, but
please don’t ask for lots of detail. I’d rather have nothing but our hard
and soft limits and your general interests known in advance. This is known in the BDSM world as "non-consensual consent." However, if you're ultra-nervous, we should sit down and talk before getting into anything.
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